Truth, Inside-Out

When I read the Bible about King David in 2 Samuel, I wonder how such an incredible man of God could murder a man, Uriah, in order to have his wife, Bathsheba. God put lots of trouble in his path after this, but God stilll forgave David.

I can't remember any murders in my life, but I sure made lots of mistakes. I think the biggest mistake I made was in worrying about them. Born as a second child during the depression, I imagine my parents would have just as well waited a few years before having me. It's possible that I sensed that I was a hardship or maybe I was just ornery as a kid, but I grew up thinking, "I really should be perfect!"

I was always defensive and felt victimized, hating to be criticized, hating to not be the best, and as I grew to womanhood spent far too much time worrying about mistakes and imperfections. Too bad I wasn't a better learner, as I think I made the mistakes over and over because I worried so much I didn't have time or room in my heart to accept who I was.

Now, at this old age, I discover I am loved in spite of everything dumb I have ever done. And I think I am giving valuable time and effort in recognizing that I still have some neat things to learn.

David's Psalm #51 reveals David's heart, especially in verses 5 & 6 (taken from The Message) "I've been out of step with you (God) for a long time, in the wrong since before I was bsorn. What you're after is truth from the inside out. Enter me, then; conceive a newe, true life." I think it reveals my heart, too.

So I'm telling the truth from the inside-out and I'm ready to learn. I am not a victim, except in the way that I victimized myself by not making room for my God, my Father who loves me, to teach me. I am not an inconvenience. I was planned. Maybe not by my very special parents, but by God. And by jingle, I'm going to set my heart toward God and learn to love as I have been loved every day since before I was born.

That's all for now! signed, Jo