I AM A PERVERT!

I expect I owe anyone possibly reading this an explanation of the horrendous title of my expose'. This is not about sexual perversion. Depending upon your point of view it may be about something worse.

In my daily journaling of the Scriptures,I happened upon Mark, chapter 3, somewhere around the 29th and 30th verses. (The Message does not fully identify the verses. It's my best guess.) It reads: "There's nothing done or said that can't be forgiven. But if you persist in your slanders against God's Holy Spirit, you are repudiating the very one who forgives." Following that (to prove my point)it says, "...sawing off the branch on which you're sitting, severing by your own perversity all connection with the One who forgives."

Perversity is a noun which comes from the adjective "perverse", which means "turning away from what is right or good; to be corrupt." Therefore, by this examination of words, I am a pervert. I don't like being a "pervert". I don't even like being "corrupt". But I have corrupted the beautiful gift given to all of us by Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. How? Well, that's the crux of it.

I must not have totally accepted healing, for I often suffer from the insane thought that I am, for the most part, either to blame, therefore ashamed, or blaming someone else for--whatever. I fight like crazy (and some think I really am!) to not blame or shame, but when I don't fight it off with a stupendous battle, I get stuck in what I call "limbo". When I finally recognize what I'm doing to myself,and or another, I go to the Lord, repent, and pray that I will again receive or give this most gracious gift--forgiveness.

What happens in the brain and heart before I recognize what I am doing? My thinking has become corrupt; I have allowed my thoughts to become perverted. They need to be sorted out. Did I do something wrong, unkind, or stupid? Yes. I did. What can I do about it? I can talk to whomever I have hurt, intended or unintended. I can turn the other cheek, or everything could backfire and we would all be worse off, for "limbo" can take a long time sometimes to go away. I can and must ask forgiveness, both of God and the person involved, believing "I AM FORGIVEN."

Too often there is people damage which I then fight through by going to them and asking forgiveness. I must ask forgiveness of God and any other involved, and BELIEVE I AM FORGIVEN. God will forgive when I repent--always. Others may or may not forgive, but their forgiveness is not crucial; only our meaningful asking for it is crucial. I must never--again-- question the great privilege God has given me through his death on the cross--forgiveness.

If I don't ask for forgiveness or believe I am not forgiven, guess what? You're right..I'll be in "limbo", which I call another form of hell.

So, do as I say and not as I've done--accept your imperfection with a prayer and the imperfection of others with a turn of the cheek and a prayer and take, blessedly, what Jesus died for: absolute forgiveness, absolutely now.

Are we still friends? Do you forgive my tendency for "limbo"? I'll forgive you!

Ever, Jo. (Once a Pervert)