Acts 23 was part of my morning today and doggone if it didn't pop up and say "read me." Paul, who later became known as a saint, started a discource with the Jewish Council in Jerusalem and said, "Friends, I've lived with a clear conscience before God all my life, up to this very moment." They began to listen, but then they pounced on him trying to catch him in some wrong act so they could kill him.
Why were the Jews so anxious to kill Paul? I mean, he had only taken over their religion, insisted on Jesus being the Son of God and the Saviour of the World!! Plus,they were accused of being responsible for his crucifixion!
The Captain of the Roman Army also was determined to find the reason why the Jews wanted to kill Paul and that is why Paul was brought before this council. But Paul was a learned man as well as a determined man and not only did he believe in Jesus, he believed he had been chosen to take Jesus to the world!
I find it interesting that Paul, even knowing that he was notthe leader of the Jewish people, he led them. He led them in so many ways, but primarily in the growth and strength he was given for the witness of Jesus Christ. He didn't back down from this knowledge even although he was originally against Jesus' Way. After he had been shown his error, he now believed in Christ with all of his heart. He knewwhy he was born and for what or who he must die. Yes, his conscious was clear. It was clear because he expected others to find fault with what he was doing because what he was doing had been expressly directed by Jesus himself!And who would believe that?
If you remember more of Paul's story you will know that he was not always seen by others to have earned a clear conscious. He was thought to be stubborn, inflexible as to who was eligible to become a Jesus person, preachy, interfering, proud, insensitive, and determined to do things his way. Yet he was loved by many, even by most, which brought out jealousy sometimes in those around him.
How the Lord must have loved him! And how much the Lord had to forgive him, for his certainties appeared as thoughtlessness on occasion to others. Yet his conscience was clear!
And this is where my rubber met the road. I saw I had situations in my life somewhat like Paul. God gave me talents without restrictions, like Paul. But, restrictions need to be taught by others, like they were in Paul's case. But I didn't get it! I didn't recognize the back side of my gifts! I didn't see how some of the things that I requested of people, some of my efforts,and my determination might lead to resentments. Who did I think I was? Who made me the leader?
If you have the gift of hospitality, let your pastor know you will welcome the opportunity to use it if he or she pleases. If you are blessed in leadership, think the same. Be watchful for any negative thought or pattern. Then most importantly, let it go. The only blame you might accept is you haven't been aware of its backside.
It is too late for me to change those situations, too late. I can only see in retrospsect how different those times might have been. And because I can see, I can take a deep breath of gratitude for God's leadership throughout that time and beyond.
Today, I am blessed by God's energy among so many. I know I am forgiven for being hurt by the attitude of others in the past, not being aware that much of what occurred was a natural part of my learning how to love and forgive others and myself.
Praise you Lord Jesus for all you teach..and for your loving spirit always!!
Thanks for listening! jo
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